These Italian mofos are already on their seventh album now with ‘Dislike to False Metal’ being the third one for Napalm if you count the 2020 reissue of ‘Stairway to Valhalla’. The album gets off to a relatively safe start. Parodying pirate metal requires very little adaptations. Just write your typical Alestorm song but change the lyrics somewhat to the swashbuckling drunks not getting any booze. ‘Sober’ must probably the only pirate metal drinking song about not drinking alcohol.

‘Winterstorm in the Night’ chases us into the far from icy symphonic gothic metal. In order not having to castrate either of their two leader singers, they brought in Madeleine Liljestam from Eleine for their over the top anthem about a serious bout of dandruff. Get some Head ‘n Shoulders, guys! We already had the pleasure to shake our feet to the 90s disco rave of ‘Disco Metal’. The ideal party song during your stay at the Dead Island resort.

After all this mindless, gratuitous partying, it’s time to get serious with ‘Muscle Memories’, Nickelback style. As if this radio friendly US rock needed any spoofing. Nanowar went ahead and did it anyway. A 9 minutes song on here. Seriously? Yup, crack open those Corona bottles and grab yourself some nachos, because things are about to get even more cheesy. ‘Chupacabra Cadabra’ brings in all the Mariachi and Zapata western references it could find and rolls it all into one big tortilla.

If you’re going to do a persiflage of a band, it’s kind of weird to enlist said band’s actual lead singer. It almost feels like cheating then when Sabaton’s Joakim Brodén steps in on ‘Pasadena 1994’ to tell tales of glory (and downfall) when Italy played against Brazil in the World Soccer final and lost. They should get a red card for that one! ‘Metal Boomer Battallion’ is kind of the title track of the album with “Dislike to False Metal” being chanted in the chorus. Calling to arms all metalheads to take up arms, errr beer cups I mean, against all false metal in a fashion that would make Powerwolf proud. Well maybe not proud, smirking in between slaying wolves or so.

‘Dimmu Boogie’ has the horned one shaking his hips. Hope he doesn’t sprain his back.

We didn’t get any ballads yet, so let’s go all in on ‘Protocols (of the elders of Zion) of Love’, which starts out so syrupy, you’ll need an insulin shot with spoofs from Titanic to Rocky III. You have been warned. At the very rectum of this stinker, we call on ‘The Power of Immodium’. In the full bombastic blast of Italian Rhapsody style power metal, this last track is flatulating at breakneck speed faster than you can run to the toilet.

You look down and there you go: ten wonderful lumps floating around in this fantastic turd of an album. Nothing to dislike here.

Links